Wow thinks for editing it and making it longer, I kept thinking of what would she say
to Adelica. I like your decision better though, mine all came out corny. I like were this story is going and hope you continue!
Chapter 7
I just stood there as I looked at the person in front of me. He was no longer the skinny kid that I knew when we were in England. He was now a man, a gorgeous one at that. My eyes wondered upon his handsome appearance. They sought out his attire.
The coal colored jacket hugged his form and matched the dark black of his eyes. His black shirt wore out his six-pact and clings to the muscles that ripped down his chest. Ethan's eyes were deep enough for any person, probably a lady, to fall in and get lost within.
My eyes then lingered upon his gorgeous face. Ethan's lips were full and played in an excited smile. His smile reminded me of when we were together as newborns. His teeth vibrated a bright white. A smile any superstar would want. Ethan's dark hair was cut short, but not too long. Ethan looked impressive in his over outer look. Any look that a lady would find attractive. I must have been ogling a little bit too long, because I felt a jabbed to my ribs.
“Ouch,” I muttered, rubbing the spot. I glared at Adelicia, who glared at me back. Ethan chuckled.
“You haven’t changed, Liz,” he said with a chuckle, using the nickname he gave me a long time ago.
“I would like to say the same thing, but I can’t. Look at you!” I squealed as I ran forward. I hugged him. He hugged me back before he picked me up and spun me around in a circle like a child. I squealed again and begged him to stop. After a couple of spins more, he finally obeyed my wishes and put me down. I leaned my head against his strong chest until the dizziness faded away, and then I pulled away. I suddenly remembered my sister and brother behind me, and I slowly turned to them with a sheepish smile on my face.
“Guys, this is Ethan Sharpe,” I said, introducing him to my siblings. Ashton and Adelicia stare at him like they were dissecting him, then finally Ashton held out a hand to him.
“Nice to meet you,” he said as Ethan took his hand and shook it. Ashton then pulled away.
“I take it you are Ashton and Adelicia,” Ethan said. At their shocked faces, he added, “the council talks a lot about this family since they have an obsession with Liz here.”
“That’s not surprising,” Adelicia said as she smirked my way.
“Okay, can we not talk about me?” I asked, avoiding the spotlight. “Ashton, can you grab Ethan’s luggage, so we can get the heck out of here?” They all laughed at me. Ethan wrapped an arm around me and kissed my cheek. Ashton and Adelicia watched on with curiosity in their gaze.
“Sure,” Adelicia finally said. We walked over to the terminal and picked up Ethan’s Bags. Adelicia saw this as a time to link my arm with her.
Oh no, here is when the questions begin, I thought as I looked at her.
“Ashton, why don’t you give me the key, so Elizabeth and I can fetch the car?” Adelicia asked her mate. I shook my head at Ashton, but he tossed Adelicia the keys anyway. I found myself being pulled to the door of the airport.
Crap, I thought. I tried to break free of her grip, but she managed to keep on a tight hold on me. We walked to the car and Adelicia unlocked it. I climbed into the passenger seat as she climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Alright, start asking away,” I said as I looked at her. She gave an innocent look. “Don’t play innocent. I know you want to know.”
“I guess I can’t pretend with you,” She said as she started up the car. “ So, how the heck do you know him? I thought you wouldn’t know this guy, but I guess wrong.”
“I met him long before you came into the family,” I said as I rolled down the window and let the air comb through my hair.
“What does that mean?” she asked as she drove to the entrance of the airport.
“I mean after I was turned, London and I took a trip of the world. We stopped in London, England. We hung out with the other vampires. He was one of them. He hadn’t got into the swing of things either. Over the couple of weeks, we became great friends and I had excepted that he developed a crush on me, but I thought it would pass after we left,” I retorted.
“Well, it didn’t. So what are you going to do now?” She asked. I shrugged. We drove up beside the walkway and parked there. We waited until we saw Ashton and Ethan coming to the car. Adelicia and me got out and helped them put in the bags. Adelicia beat me to the passenger seat up in the front.
“Be a dear and sit with your guest,” She said in a sweet voice. I growled at her. “Now Now,” She chided. I wanted to kill her right there, but I controlled myself and go into the back along with Ethan. We sat in silent for a while until Adelicia turned on the radio. And the first song that came on was Decode.
The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode)
The truth is hiding in your eyes I quoted to myself. I looked at Ethan. He must realize that I was looking at him and turned. We stared at each other, looking into each other’s eyes. Over the past couple of years I got good at reading people eyes, and I saw something that shocked me.
“We have to talk when we get home,” I said quietly. He nodded.
Wow thinks for editing it and making it longer, I kept thinking of what would she say
to Adelica. I like your decision better though, mine all came out corny. I like were this story is going and hope you continue!
Readers:
I have added more onto this chapter. I am so sorry i haven't been working on this, but hopefully I can cracked down on this story and really work on it.
As of right now, the prologue, chapter one and chapter two of this story have been edited and changed to Addicting Poison, the new title to Poison Love.
I hope you all enjoy the story very much.
See ya around.
then you will love this story more when i edit the whole thing.
the prologue and chapter one have already been edited, but i might go in again and edit again.
Everyone else picked the mistakes.... I DONT HAVE ANYTHING!!! *sobs incessantly*
Write more!!! I'm loving this series. ADDICTED!!
Phew, I just read all of the previous chapters and then this one. The only main issues I saw where punctuation and grammar usage, which had all been pointed out. Although I do think that your story idea was great and that you described your scenes rather well, it is still simply another vampire romance story. Everyone reads Twilight, everyone thinks they can write awesome vampire love stories...lmao. Don't take it as an insult - seriously, because I'm not trying to be rude here; I liked it - but the characters have all been done before. Give it new "spice," if you will. Put in some new things that no one has done yet. Try to capture all kinds of people's attention and not just those who are obsessed with Edward Cullen 
Let me know when your new chapters are uploaded because I will read those as well. =]
ashleylee:
Thanks for looking at this and i will pm you when i have the rest up.
Hey, Bri! Here is the promised review, even though it was slow in coming 
His black shirt wore out his six-pact and clings to the muscles that ripped down his chest.
“You haven’t changed, Liz,” he said with a chuckle, using the nickname he gave me a long time ago.
hehe
CastlesInTheSky wrote:NightMistress -
I skimmed through the other chapters before reading this, or it would be unfair to you.
I'm very sorry if I offended you by any of the things I said. I can be a bit brisk, but it's only because I care about you improving your writing. This story does have potential,and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better.
PM me if you have any questions.
Good luck!
-Sarah
NightMistress -
I skimmed through the other chapters before reviewing this, or it would be unfair to you.
I'm very sorry if I offended you by any of the things I said. I can be a bit brisk, but it's only because I care about you improving your writing. 
After all, it's what YWS is for.
I don't know about you, but I'd rather get a harsh review that completely tore my piece apart than a load of praise, right? The only reason I went into so much detail was to be helpful - I don't bother doing that to pieces that have no hope.
This story does have potential,and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. You just need to work on it, just like with any other story.
PM me if you have any questions.
Good luck!
-Sarah
CastlesInTheSky:
I know you don't mean to, but i feel like you have just slapped me across the face. i feel like you have insult me and my writing. I was planning on coming back to fix everything, because i am a student and it's exam period time. i don't have much time to come back and edited. I will take in the advice you gave me, because it's the same advice i seem to keep on get through.
and just out of curiosity, have you read any of the other chapter or just this one?
Jazz:
thanks for looking at it. when i have the time, i will go back and fix it up.
Hey there, NightMistress! I'm Sarah and I'm your reviewer for today.
I just stood there as I looked at the person in front of me. He was no longer the skinny kid that I knew when we were in England. He was now a man, a gorgeous one at that. I eyes wondered upon his handsome appearance. They sought out his attire. The coal colored jacket matched the dark black of his eyes. Ethan's eyes were deep enough for any person, probably a lady, to get lost within. His black shirt wore out his six-pact and showed the muscles that ripped down his chest. My eyes then lingered upon his gorgeous face. Ethan's lips were full and played in an excited smile. His smile reminds me of when we were together as newborns. His teeth vibrated a bright white. A smile any superstar would want. Ethan's dark hair was a short cut, but not too long. Ethan looked impressive in his over outlook. Any look that a lady would find attractive. I must have been ogling a little bit too long, because I felt a jabbed to my ribs.
“You haven’t change, Liz,” he said with a chuckle, using the nickname he gave a long time ago.
“Guys, this Ethan Sharpe,” I said, introducing him to my siblings.
Ashton and Adelicia stare at him like they were dissecting him, then finally Ashton held out a hand to him.
“I take it you are Ashton and Adelicia,” Ethan said. At their shock faces, he added, “the council talks a lot about this family since they have obsession with Liz here.”
and Adelicia watched on with curiosity in their gaze.
.“Sure,” Adelicia finally said. We walked over to the terminal and picked up Ethan’s Bags
Ashton picked up two of Ethan’s bags,
and Ethan took care of the rest.
Adelicia saw this as a time to link my arm with her.
Oh no, here is when the questions began I thought as I looked at her.
“Ashton, why don’t you give my the key, so Elizabeth and I can fetch the car?”
I shook ‘no’ at Ashton, but he tossed Adelicia the keys.
Crap I thought.
Think about the five senses: taste, touch, smell, sight, sound. For example: "I could taste the salty tang of the sparkling ocean washing around my feet." Write down at least two for each sense. Eventually, you can choose the best ones to put down.
Think about your main character. Imagine their appearance, their personalities, odd habits they may have, anything! Think of at least one simile and one metaphor to describe them. You can even base your main character on yourself, if you like.
I eyes wondered upon his handsome appearance.
His smile reminds me of when we were together as newborns.
Ethan's dark hair was a short cut, but not too long.
Ashton and Adelicia stare at him like they were dissecting him, then finally Ashton held out a hand to him.
. At their shock faces, he added,
“Okay, can we not talk about me and get Ethan’s luggage, so we can get the heck out of here?”
120,613 Literary Works • 651,076 Reviews
Points: 1733
Reviews: 43
Donate